Russ says "Take Our Country Back"
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Annie Leibovitz (by Bruiser La Rue)
I actually met Annie Leibovitz at the Cannes Film Fest. My friend, Bruiser LaRue introduced us, and after we mutually groped each other emotionally (complemented each other on our work) there was that awkward moment of silence where you kind of look around and aren't quit sure if you should ask her if she brought any drugs to the party ... I mean, word had it that she'd been trying to clean herself up after that tour with the Rolling Stones. So we spoke mostly about the food being served, and wondered if they had any Cheez-Whiz to go with the crackers. That was pretty much it. I mean, she didn't even invite me to her room, but I think that's mainly because she might be a lesbian ... I'm not sure. Oh well ... the next day I told everyone we (Annie and me) had slept together and that she was really into rough sex ... after all, I mean, why not? It was a big plus for me, and I think it completely ruined her reputation, which is what I really wanted to do anyway, because (a) everyone at the party knew her and nobody knew me, which made me really jealous; and (b) mostly because she threw that drink in my face when I suggested she should invite me to her room for some indoor body surfing, if by the end of the night I wasn't hooked up with anything better. Shit happens.
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Laura Ettinger
(by Bruiser La Rue)
This is Laura Ettinger, my business agent. And here I am thanking her in what has become the customary manner, for getting me invited to yet another awards dinner; which I might ad, by all rights, I should have won ... But didn't. And, thanks to the usual back stabbing, dirty tricks, and behind the scenes politics, I wasn't even honorably mentioned.
But was I bitter because some rank amateur takes home an award, which, by all rights I should have been mine. An award everyone knows I deserved ... please !!! I'm not that petty ... And by the way, NOT winning some stupid award had nothing to do with me telling everyone that Laura got completely shit-faced during the awards and started coming on to me ... and every other male (and female) at our table. And if I did ... so what. She started it by insisting we go to that stupid dinner any way. And who is kidding who ... she should thank me. From what I hear, she's been asked out a hell of a lot more since I started those rummors, than anytime before in her pathetic life. Enough said.
Photo by La Trina Washington(by Rcp) Once again, from what I've been told, the office Christmas party was a smashing success, but admittedly, I don't remember much after taking a hit off that bong Tyrone lit up in Mc Kinnies office. I think that and the fifth of Southern Comfort may have been what put me "One toke over the line", as the song goes (for those who actually remember the Doobie Brothers) Oh, and by the way, who's great idea was to just leave me out in the hall way after the party ... the least you guys could have done was pour me into a cab ... I mean, leaving me to be found the next day by the cleaning crew was so not funny. ... after all.
I thought I hit "Rock Bottom" but I wasn't even close.
(by Bruiser La Rue)
I gotta tell ya, after I woke up, a while back in an alleyway after a friend's party and not being able to remember how I got there, I was pretty sure I had finally hit rock bottom. But then when I arrived more than three hours late at Joe’s Diner, where I got this job as a part-time dish washer, they told me I was fired. Now that has to be "rock bottom" ... right? It gets worse.
When I finally made my way back home, I find the locks on the doors had been changed, and a note from my wife saying she was finally leaving for good, and was taking our dog Pepsi, and moving back to Kansas.
Now I was really sure I had hit rock bottom. I had already lost most of my friends months earlier due to my drinking and drug problems, and now my wife had left and taken my dog. In a way, though, I was sort of relieved I hit rock bottom at that point. I mean, everything was so bad, the way I saw it, there was really no way to go but up. Yeah ...Right ...Boy was I wrong.
It didn't take me long to realized "my personal rock bottom" was much lower than the rock bottoms everyone else had told me about during my AA meetings which I occasionally attended.
After thinking I hit rock bottom, I was mugged and beat up, which I thought was kind of unfair because I don't recall anyone hitting rock bottom and then realizing there was another rock bottom ... under that one
"So now I'm heading back to the homeless shelter after the mugging and I get hit by lightening. I'm thinking this shit can only happen in the movies. But wait ... there's more; when I'm recovering in the hospital they tell I need a new liver; something to do with all my drinking. On top of that, I somehow managed to pick up a raging case of syphilis, which had had already started to affect my brain functions.
I know what you're thinking ... this shmuck has really hit ROCK BOTTOM, Right? WRONG!!! After they released me from the hospital, I began turning tricks on the street in exchange for booze and drugs. Then, when everyone heard about the syphilis, I was only getting a cigarette in exchange for several hours of rough sex with local bums.
And there I was, finally able to admit to my support group, that this was when I knew I had actually finally hit rock bottom. Unfortunately, on the way home, from the meeting, I got stabbed over a bad drug deal and instead of going to the hospital, I decided instead to rob an elderly woman to pay for lottery tickets. The way I saw it ... with all that's happened so far, my luck was bound to change.
Forget about it ... She turned out to be undercover ... one of those sting operations you see on that TV program, "Cops". So they sentenced me to five years in prison, I beginning to think my life has completely unraveled and I need to make a drastic change. Everyone else here agrees. My prison bunkmate (a rather large black gentleman named Tyrone) promises me that it will only get better from here.
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Homeless Man To Focus On Personality
(by Bruiser La Rue)
Colorado Springs, CO — After years of struggling for financial viability, mental health and a drug free lifestyle, homeless man Russell Park decided to switch gears and focus on building and improving his personality, he announced to friends and social service workers Tuesday.
"You could say it was a lateral move” Russell said, from the abandoned tenement that he has called home for the past two weeks. "I've used to spend so much time and energy trying to get a job and off the street, I completely ignored my most important trait, which is ... my winning personality."
Depending on who you talk to, Russell might be described as mildly amusing, borderline schizophrenic or outright mean, but all agree that his desire to really work on improving his personality will benefit everyone around him.
"For years that guy was really a dick-head," said Reiko (last name with-held), a one time friend and business manager, who insists she moved all the way to Canada to insure Russell wouldn’t show up on her doorstep looking for a handout. "He was like really ill-mannered and obnoxious-- and that was just when he was talking to himself. I really hope he means what he says because it could definitely help. But then, so could a toothbrush."
Russell says he has tried several new approaches in his desire to appear more likable, including always beginning conversations with a joke, being complimentary to others and being willing to share more and steal less. "Obviously, at first people thought I was just faking it or else they blamed it on my schizophrenia or multiple personality disorder, but now I think people realize that all my personalities have improved demeanors. I think the change will really improve my social network."
Russell is also hopeful that appearing to be more friendly when panhandling will improve his chances for a handout. "That's where the jokes and funny anecdotes come into play. Instead of cursing and spitting at people, now I say something funny and talk about something we might have in common. Additionally, even if I really don’t mean it, I still find a way to compliment their hairdo or breast size. It's a very positive experience for both of us.
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Supreme Court Overturns Magna Carta
by: Bruiser LaRue (Our Man In The Street)
WASHINGTON, DC—In a bold and unexpected move, the Republican-dominated U.S. Supreme Court voted Thursday to overturn the Magna Carta, finally paving the way for George W. Bush to be crowned King and Ruler of the United States later this summer.
To read entire story
To read entire story
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Canada For Sale On E-Bay
by: Bruiser LaRue (Our Man In The Street)
Ottawa, Canada
After more than 100 years of colonialism, false starts and poorly working heaters, Canada put itself on the e-Bay auction block Friday, just a week after declaring three branches of its armed forces were bankrupt "and really, really cold."
To read entire story
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Explaining War To A Child Is Hard
(It's even harder if the kid is retarded)
by: Bruiser LaRue (Our Man In The Street)
Telling your slow child about the war is often difficult because, let's face it, they're retarded. They don't understand politics and conflict and international disarmament treaties. If your retard has asked about what is happening on TV, this is a great sign and you should be proud. This shows that your retard can identify the difference between Barney and dismembered Iraqi soldiers. Congratulations.
To read entire story
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Special Torch Bearer Ruins Special Moment
by: Bruiser LaRue (Our Man In The Street)
Colorado Springs (AP) - Hundreds of people lined the slushy streets of a local suburb Friday to watch handicapped 12-year-old, Kimmy Kiser carry the Olympic torch on its final lap before its arrival at the opening ceremony.
To read entire story
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Liberals Object To “Trash Talking” Gitmo Detainees
by: Bruiser LaRue (Our Man In The Street)
WASHINGTON (AP) - Defense Secretary, Robert Gates, insisted Tuesday that the United States is treating terrorist suspects held at Guantanamo Bay humanely and in accordance with international rules. But critics, including European Union officials and human rights groups, said the Americans were using highly irregular tactics against the prisoners including trash-talking and "momma-bashing" and this could lower international support for the war against terrorism.
To read entire story
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Report: Majority of Coma Patients “Big Fakers”
by: Bruiser LaRue (Our Man In The Street)
Colorado Springs, CO - When ex-photographer, Russell Park first started faking a coma several years ago, it was a temporary fix to avoid mowing the lawn. Now, after all these years he admits his reasons for continuing to fake a coma include loads of attention from friends and family members as well as making his wife, Nancy feel guilty for the rather lengthy “honey-do” list he was given on his birthday, a day most guys feel should be “work free”.
To read entire story
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Report: Retarded People Are Not Special
Colorado Springs, CO - by: Bruiser LaRue (Our Man In The Street)
According to the recent findings of TRS Magazine, retarded people are not special at all. Really slow people, or "retards" as they are sometimes called, are neither special, unique, nor do they possess any singular gifts or talents. In effect, they are just a random cell combination similar to billions of other random cell combinations that serve no other purpose than to suck air and collaborate in the collective food chain with other retarded people.
To read entire story
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Watch Maxine Waters on Gang Violence
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Watch more Maxine Waters being an idiot
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Watch Maxine Waters on Gang Violence
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Watch Maxine Waters on Gang Violence
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Watch Maxine Waters on Gang Violence
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Watch Maxine Waters on Gang Violence
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Copyright Notice: All Material Copyright © 2001-2006 Colorado Springs Gallery, Inc., VisualFxByRp, Russell C. Park. All written material submitted to Colorado Springs Gallery and its affliliates become property of Colorado Springs Gallery, Inc., Russell C. Park. Upon submission, Colorado Springs Gallery and/or Russell C. Park is allowed to edit, rewrite, change, or use the material in any way deemed fit. The content of this website is © Copyright 2001-2006 Colorado Springs Gallery, Inc. & Russell C. Park, except where stated otherwise and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Colorado Springs Gallery, VisualFxByRp and Russell C. Park are trademarks claimed by the authors and may not be used except by expressed written consent of the above.